Monday, September 20, 2010

Primary Changed Me

Once upon a time I used to care how clean my house was. And there was a time in my life that I really had to have everything organized. My kids only wore ensembles that I pre-approved. My floors were free of stains and debris at all times.

That was before. But about 29 months ago, the same week that I found out I was pregnant (again) I was asked to do something that I wasn't sure I was capable of. I was asked if I would be the Primary President in my ward. I figured this day would probably come at some point, but now?

I really wanted to have another baby, and had recently gone through 2 very painful miscarriages. Was I up to this challenge? I decided to make a deal with God. I told Him that I would do this if He let me have this baby. I know, I know, silly! Does God really make deals? But it my mind I was committed and so was He.

It was not easy. The pregnancy was difficult to say the least, and I ran a primary program one week before I gave birth. There were times that I wanted to quit, and many times that I cried. But I have been blessed in ways that I could not have imagined through serving in the church. Not only did I have this beautiful little girl, but my family has grown in strength and love. We have had troubles, but with each challenge came a blessing, a gift. Patience, to deal with problems. Hope to handle stress. And more strength than I thought I could possess.

So what have I lost? Well, for one thing, the urge to be perfect. I still wish my house was clean all the time, but now I know that it's okay if it's not. I've had to simplify my life to fit everything in. And in doing so I've learned to let go of some things that really don't matter.

But wait, there's more! This last Sunday I was substitute teaching in one of the Primary classes. In that class there is a girl that I've known for quite a while and wondered if she ever really wanted to be there. She never acted like she wanted to be there. I couldn't tell if she was listening, she rarely if ever participated. But after the lesson she said to me, "I feel really good right now. I didn't feel happy when I got here, but now I'm glad I came." I explained that by doing what is right and coming to church and listening to the council of the prophet, you are blessed, and that this feeling was the Holy Ghost telling her these things were true.

That one moment washed all my doubts away: whether she was listening, whether she cared. They are always listening. It may not seem like it, but they are absorbing something. It's the small moments like these that make it all worthwhile! If I could reach just one soul, then whatever the sacrifice, it's been worthwhile.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Adrenaline Junkie

I think you all know that I'm a pretty crazy person. I say things I shouldn't say and do things I shouldn't do. I'm not always careful, even though I try to be, and I get distrated easily. (That happens when you have 4 kids vying for your attention, one of them at the top of her very large lungs.)
A couple weeks ago I was backing out of my garage and looking out the rearview mirror to see how I was going to get around all the constuction cars parked on my street. If I don't angle my Big Red Car just right I will smack one of those other cars so carelessly parked behind MY driveway. So I was backing out and didn't notice how close the side mirror was to the garage when I hear a sickening S-M-A-S-H. The side mirror was literaly RIPPED off the car! Oh that's just GREAT! Just what I needed. (Nausea, rage and frustration commence.)
Now what I need is a new distraction. Something to help assuage my surmounting guilt. That's when I go and do something like this:

I stood at the top of the lofty platform, turned around, and without a care in the world, fell backwards into the open abyss. It was AMAZING, EXHILERATING, and BREATHTAKINGLY WONDERFUL! But this was not my first experience like this. I would do this every day if I could. I LOVE the rush. Let's face it, I'm an adrenaline junkie. What's next for me? Skydiving. Anybody want to go with me?